Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
