This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
