your thong is hanging out like whoa
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
