just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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