I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
i think my cat just said my name.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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