It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
