with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Randomize
