I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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