Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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