How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
