mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Randomize
