Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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