The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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