My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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