he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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