absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
