Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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