I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
