dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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