I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize
