the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
