god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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