I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
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