Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
farters have to be the big spoon...
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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