hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
