He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
