after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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