Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
