This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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