Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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