The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
