Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
