Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
