honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
