You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
