so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
