it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize
