remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
