He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
