everyone is single if you try hard enough
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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