I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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