So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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