I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
