i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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