i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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