I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
