She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
