im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
