I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
