I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
it's like iHOP with fire
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Randomize
