New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
