Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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