I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Sext me about skeletons
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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