dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
