Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
