My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
