I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
