I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
