Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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