We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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